2. Sometimes some people are in the middle of making delicious treats when they realize they need eggs, but oh wait, is the sun down? That means Aldi is closed and you're screwed.
3. Sometimes some people like to go out to dinner at like 7 p.m. Sometimes some people like to shop after going out to dinner. Sometimes some people's shopping plans get cockblocked because stores are like, "Oh hey, it's 6 p.m., time to close!" Yeah, we're looking at you, Williams Sonoma.
4. If you're a store located downtown in a major city, you NEED to stay open past 8 p.m. because there's literally nowhere else to go. Can't go to the Bean, bitch shuts down at 6 p.m. and then creeper cops on bikes escort you away like you're some kind of hooligan.
5. If a Subway can stay open 24 hours, then Jesus fucking Christ Steve Madden, throw us a bone and stay open till like 7 p.m. Jesus.
6. Sometimes when some people are done dining at Panera the night that the first black president is elected into office in the United States of America and those people want to hang out and the only option is to chill at the bookstore across the street because it's like 7 p.m. and everywhere else is done for the day, some people would appreciate if certain bitchy employees of the flamboyant persuasion would NOT give them attitude and be all, "WE'RE CLOSED" with a bitch, GTFO look on their face. Sorry that we don't hate black people like you obviously do. Jerk.
7. Some people would appreciate if awesome bakeries could stay open a bit longer, like maybe till 8, when some people really want a brownie and the only place in the world that has the brownie that will satisfy those people is this ONE place in the whole world. Please?
8. Some people would also appreciate it if some cute breakfast places known for their delicious cinnamon rolls could stay open through regular business hours, not grandma and grandpa early bird special hours. We're 22, we like to sleep in and start to get shit done like after 2:00. And yeah, we get that you're a breakfast place and want to close before lunch, but like Denny's is open 24 hours.
9. In America, we have a ton of national parks (Yosemite, Yellowstone) and we don't recall ever seeing any "official hours" posted. In Chicago, we have a little dock called Navy Pier, you've probably never heard of it because it's in a super obscure location where you would never in a million years see it as you're riding the bus down Lakeshore Drive at like 6. You would never see the sweet-ass ferris wheel and all its lights shining, nuh uh. So it's probably for the best that Navy Pier shuts down at like 7 p.m. WHAT THE FUCK? Some people went through multiple bus exchanges to get to the bright lights, then when they got there what did they find? Oh, that absolutely everything had gone dark and the only people hanging out where 17-year olds in shitty dresses and tuxes celebrating their shitty high school prom. Awesome. Just Awesome. (On the plus side, we did make friends with the bus driver because we're fucking awesome)
10. We're sure there's probably a really good tenth reason why stores should stay open later, but it's late and we're tired (and hungry, we seriously wanted those nachos). P.S. We totally understand that no one wants to be the person stuck working the 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. shift at Jewel, but isn't it nice to know that once in a while cool people like us would come into the store and while Cat will be all business and about nachos, Em will get distracted by something shiny and/or sugary, and then Cat will be all "Girl, come on. Self check out, the 36 is gonna stop running soon), and they'll both probably say inappropriate comments that will make you laugh and you'll have like this sweet ass memory of working the shitty late shift that you can tell your co-workers, and then when they work the shitty late night shift, they'll keep a lookout for us and we'll pretty much become Jewel late night legends.
P.p.s. There is a little place we like to call Ethan that stays open pretty late and serves nachos but more importantly serve these little things we like to call chicken tender wraps which are fucking delicious. Just sayin'. Juuuuust sayin'.
Go to bed children. If you're anything like us tonight, you're going to bed hungry.
FINALLY BED!
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