Welcome to the world of EmCat

Oh hey. So I guess we should take a moment to officially explain the purpose of our blog since our first post was kind of an emergency because some people really needed to chill out.

So we're going to break it down for you, ten reasons why this could be one of the greatest blogs you will ever read. EVER:

1. We're hilarious and probably the most sarcastic people that you will ever know in your entire life. Seriously, we are.

2. We will point you to the best $5 deals this town has to offer. And by "this town" we mean Chicago. Sorry Boston, you're on your own.

3. We pretty much know how to keep it real like you wouldn't believe.  And our gaydar is impeccable!

4. As long as you read us everyday, your browser will never thirst for a picture of a cute puppy. Trust us, we know all the good search terms.

5. We will keep you updated about our sweet adventures. I mean, have you ever been escorted away from The Bean at midnight by a cop on a bike? Visited the Walgreens where Shia LeBeouf got arrested with a giraffe pinata? Gone to Jewel at 10pm because you wanted to make nachos? We get up to some crazy shit, you'll see.

6. You will come to realize that scrubs are an awesome lounging outfit that you need to own ASAP

7. You will probably start having inappropriate fantasies involving a young JFK Jr

8. Have you ever started to daydream about what it would be like if your grandpa was Joe Biden and he took you to Home Depot to buy some plywood to build you a treehouse and then offered to buy you a candy bar at the register if you promised not to tell that he had one too? You know, 'cause he's got diabetes. Well, you will now!

9. Ever wanted to learn how to frost Abe Lincoln's face in profile on a cake with a ziploc bag? Keep reading and learn how!

10. Have you ever mused about what Ted Bundy was up to in prison? US TOO!!!!


Because we don't take ourselves too seriously, here are ten reasons why you may not think this blog is all that and a bag of barbeque baked Lays:

1. We're two 22 year olds with negligible life experience

2. Everything we do and say is based on judgments derived from a complex bubble of bitchy sarcasm that you will never be able to penetrate.

3. Words like "penetrate" make us giggle. "Vibrate" too. And "moist". Which, coincidentally, is one of Erik Erikson's lost stages of development. The more you know!

4. We like to make up crazy words like "deceit"

5. We're very territorial about our ideas and catchphrases. For example, if you're in our close circle of friends and/or people we have to somehow associate with on a regular basis against our will and you use the phrase "I would not be opposed to that" and/or "hetero lifemate," we will bitch you out because everyone knows those are our catchphrases. And yeah, we're not crazy and delusional because we totally understand that we're not the first people on Earth to use these phrases, but in our social circle we were so go to hell.

6. If you're going to say "some magic is real," you better pray to baby jesus that you know who said it and to whom. You've been warned.

7. If you're easily offended by "zombie jesus weekend" then it is best you just GTFO because political correctness dies at our front door

8. We have a zero tolerance policy against Nickelback fans. Seriously, Emily almost threw up once. It was gross. But not as gross as that dude's hair. Ew.

9. We have no sympathy for little emo girls who cry because they failed a test or their friends didn't text them back quickly enough or they didn't get their 8 precious hours of sleep last night. Shit happens, get over it.

10. You don't understand why we love Billy Zane.

 

Alright, I believe we've made our case. If you have no sense of humor, we feel bad for you. If you know what's up, bookmark this bitch so you don't miss out on the good times!

peace!